Chips and Salsa

The Salsa Crusade
(An analysis of an intellectual dilemma)

So as I am writing my paper for History 220 on the crusades I begin thinking, "Man, I could really go for some chips and salsa right about now.” I then thought, "Dude, I need to finish this paper because it is totally due tomorrow and I have been wasting a bunch of time already." Then I thought RATIONALLY about my situation.
A proper analysis of this predicament requires, as all problems worth solving do, an examination of all parts. I broke the problem down: First, let me examine the topic I have thought the most about this evening, the crusades. They happened, by most human standards, a long-ass time ago. Essentially, they are not going to change in the course of the ten minutes it takes to go get mouth-watering chips and salsa. The only thing that could change is the knowledge we have about the crusades from scholars, historians, ect. Say some ground breaking new information comes to the attention of the world on the crusades. Based on my experience with computers, it is not very likely that my computer will stop my typing and say, "Guess what just happened in the world of crusade research!” However, in the course of me getting chips and salsa, I must walk around on a University campus. Where do most historians, scholars, ect. do research? Universities! So I would say it is way more likely for me to run into the learned men among the multitudes than it is while I am locked in my room. How might someone know to tell me this newfound information on the crusades you might ask? Well let me tell you! By the grace of God, the standard greeting among even estranged college-goers is something along the lines of "what's up?" If I then inform them that I am doing a paper on the crusades, the ground breaking new knowledge they might have will be quickly imparted to me in the interest of continuing on a common conversational topic. It could be safely said that walking to go get chips and salsa is but a chance for me to obtain a more in-depth understanding of the crusades. It would be unscholarly of me NOT to get chips and salsa.
The second issue I face is that this paper is due tomorrow. Tomorrow is in the future. The future is way less pressing than what is happening in the present. I am hungry for chips and salsa right now. If I wait to get chips and salsa, the paper will still be the same amount of due, but my hunger will get way worse! The paper will get no less done if I satisfy my hunger. Therefore, it makes way more sense to satisfy something that is getting worse rather than something that, left unattended, will simply not advance. If I were to tell you that tomorrow you will have a stomach-ache, but I am about to punch you, which would you act on first? In part 1 of David Hume's 'An Enquiry Concerning Human Understanding' he claims "that the sun will not rise to-morrow is no less intelligible a proposition, and implies no more contradiction, than the affirmation, that it will rise." Basically, we cannot say with any certainty that the future exists insofar as we cannot say that the principal of cause and effect exist, only the principal of probability based passed experience and observation. Simply because I am around right now, doesn't mean I will be tomorrow or even a minute from now. It seems safe to say that the chances of existence still being here within time for me to get salsa are significantly greater than the chances that it will be around tomorrow when my paper is due, so I better hurry up and get salsa before I stop existing. Think about it, do you plan on eating chips and salsa at least one more time before the end of existence? I do. So I figured I better get crackin' on obtaining my chips and salsa.
What it came down to ultimately, is that NOT getting chips and salsa was utterly foolish, irresponsible, and would ultimately make me not live up to my potential as a human being who cannot say for certain that he will even have to turn in this paper tomorrow because tomorrow is just as likely to not exist as it is to exist.
Go! Carpe some Diem and eat chips and salsa while you still have time.